My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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