maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
