If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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