I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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