So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
