Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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