After last night, I could never be a politician.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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