Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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