so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
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So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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