So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
