I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
