I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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