You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
