mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
