Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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