well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
