i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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