i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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