He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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