3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
