Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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