How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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