i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
