Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I seem to have left my pride at pride
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
