i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
