he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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