Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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