I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
