get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
