Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
