Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
