She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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