he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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