You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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