So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
