So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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