I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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