I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
