Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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