I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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