On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
