So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
