I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
