Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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