I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
