Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
