don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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