he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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