you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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