Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
