can u get pink eye on your cock?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
