She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
