Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
