So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize