New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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