SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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