Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
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And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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