Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
