He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
