I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
