Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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