Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
