Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
