tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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