At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
