im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Two words: nipple clamps
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