He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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