Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
