sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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