I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
