He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
