God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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